Impact on Work

Many of those interviewed talked about the difficulties they faced trying to reintegrate into the workforce after suffering a TBI. Some people said that specific symptoms – like problems with memory loss or pain – made it harder for them to do their job or maintain a consistent routine. Others said that their Veteran status and physical symptoms put them at a disadvantage when trying to get a job or in the workplace.

Problems with memory

Many people said that memory problems made things really difficult at work. Common problems included not being able to remember instructions, getting lost easily, or not remembering how to perform job duties. One Veteran recounted how his memory issues interfered with his job as a maintenance worker. “I would have to go back to the office to figure out what we were doing that day, several times a day. I would have to be reminded to take lunch, things started not adding up.” Another said that after work each day he would spend an extra half hour “writ(ing) down what I needed to do the next day, because chances are I’d probably forget at least one or two of those items.”

 

At work, Erik had problems remembering customers orders and miscounting money.

At work, Erik had problems remembering customers orders and miscounting money.

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And when I first got back, I started having some real bad problems with remembering customers’ orders, remembering SKU numbers that I’ve used for years. Counting money wrong. You know, I got to the point where they thought someone was trying to steal out of the cash register, so they secretly put a camera over the cash register. And they found out it was me. I was miscounting the money all the time.

 

Greg took a $10 hour pay cut because he forgets important things at work.

Greg took a $10 hour pay cut because he forgets important things at work.

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My problem is my memory. And it really does - I took a ten-dollar an hour pay cut in January because I’m forgetting to call customers. I’m forgetting to call insurance companies. I’m forgetting which customer said what day he was going to be available. I’ll have a conversation with somebody in the truck, you know I got my little hands-free thing and I can’t write anything down obviously, so I’ll have a conversation with a customer say ok, you know what, tomorrow 2 o’clock, that sounds good, I’ll be available, ok great. So, I got you down Mr. Smith for tomorrow at 2 o’clock, awesome. Hang up, get to my destination five, eight, ten minutes later, whatever. Who the hell did I talk to? I don’t remember which customer that was. Or, that was Mr. Smith, when did he say he was going to be available? Was that tomorrow or the day after? I don’t remember. And so, I’ll have to call the customer back, which is really obnoxious, for the customer anyway. What time did I tell you? It makes me look like an idiot.

 

Mary sometimes does odd jobs for her sister, but struggles with her memory and keeping track of things.

Mary sometimes does odd jobs for her sister, but struggles with her memory and keeping track of things.

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I forget too many things. I lose track of things. I have done little oddball job things for my sister. You know, she didn’t pay me or she’d give me a few, you know, “Here. Here’s a twenty-dollar bill for helping me out.” You know but I, I can’t. Oh, let’s see, she had me come in and do nothing but put papers in files. I swear, every five minutes I would have to go into her office, “Where does this go?” It, it just – I look at what kind of bill it is or what kind of form it is - ain’t nothing popping in my brain and she’d go, “Oh, that’s blah, blah, blah.” And I’d go and I’ll put it in there. The next day or week later, she’ll have me come in and do a little bit more filing. I’ll come across that same stupid paper, I have no idea where it goes and I have to go ask her again. You know it’s just things like that that people that don’t know me, they’re like, “This is getting really pain in the ass. She keeps asking the same question,” you know? And, and sometimes people make remarks. Like in group a couple of guys in there made a couple of remarks about, you know, me forgetting stuff. And I said, “Well, I’ll trade you places. You have my life and I’ll have yours and let’s see who does better.” And they go, “No.” And he said, “And it’s not fun.” You know, but I just, I just try to make light of it now.

Difficulty keeping a regular schedule

Some of the Veterans we spoke to struggled with work as part of their daily routine, especially when they were having particularly bad days associated with the symptoms of their injuries. One young man explained that he had a hard time holding a steady job “because there’s not a lot of jobs you can go into where you can say, ‘Hey, I can’t come in today.’ Or, ‘Hey, I forgot.’” For many participants, the physical symptoms of their brain injury - including debilitating headaches or muscle spasms and body pain - made it difficult to work or to sit in one place all day. One person said that in the last year he worked he “missed over half my time from pain, and part of it was stress and part of it, it’s just the brain injury.”

 

Margaret felt like her co-workers couldn’t trust her, because she frequently had to call in sick.

Margaret felt like her co-workers couldn’t trust her, because she frequently had to call in sick.

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I ended up frequently while I was still working, you know, having to call in sick at my job. And that was horrible, for me to do because I, I had the feeling that my staff, my co-workers couldn’t trust me. “You going to be there, you going to show up?” and sometimes I just could not be there.

 

After struggling at work, Marcus realized he needed to look for jobs that required less of him.

After struggling at work, Marcus realized he needed to look for jobs that required less of him.

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What happened was, after my injury - I tried to convince - I was trying my best to convince myself that it was something that, even though I didn’t know what it was, that it was something I could overcome. I was at jobs where I couldn’t do all the stuff that I was doing before but I would try, and then what would happen was I would come up with excuses or I would have to miss time from work. And that became apparent too, going from job to job and missing time from work because I just really couldn’t work. Or people would notice, you know “what’s wrong with you?,” because I’m in so much pain and I’m having headaches, I’m walking real slow, I just can’t really move too quickly because at that time I wasn’t, I believed that if I just keep trying harder it’s gonna get better and I’m going to be alright. I never wanted to accept that it was a life changing condition. So, I went through jobs, I went through a lot of jobs like that, from job to job to job. And then I tried to find jobs that required less of me, like security jobs maybe where you were just sitting down somewhere, and that necessarily didn’t work too because with the post-concussive, it just never, I never know when I’m going to have a really bad day.

Feeling disadvantaged in the workplace

Many Veterans felt their injury or Veteran status automatically disqualified them from certain jobs or left them at a disadvantage in the hiring pool. Some felt they were denied employment, discriminated against, or seen as less desirable because an employer might be required to make changes to accommodate their needs.

 

Miguel describes having trouble finding a job and being denied employment because of his vertigo.

Miguel describes having trouble finding a job and being denied employment because of his vertigo.

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But I was able to have a stable job, but I did have problems with the job. They actually took away my driving privileges because of - I had to disclose to them I was feeling very dizzy and disoriented. It did affect my job a little bit. I was denied employment because of vertigo. They diagnosed me with vertigo - also I guess ultimately TBI, vertigo and kind of all correlated with each other. And I’ll just provide you a timeline but yeah - I mean - got out of the Marine Corps, had trouble finding a job, it wasn’t that I wasn’t trying it’s just that I really had trouble finding a job. I did all the things they taught in the three-day transitional assistance program and none of it helped. I did an odd job with UPS.

 

Mike has applied for jobs with police departments, but says they won’t take him because he has PTSD.

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Mike has applied for jobs with police departments, but says they won’t take him because he has PTSD.

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Yes. I’m trying to be an EMT. I first was studying law enforcement, and then now I’m switching over to EMT because law enforcement deficiencies. All of the, like the police departments I’ve interviewed with, they won’t take me because I have PTSD. They’re afraid of the fact that, if I do have an attack, or I am reminded of something, that I’m going to freak out, harm myself, or harm others around me. And so - that’s another big crucial fact – that maybe it’s like a little demon inside of you, I like to call it. And people - when people see it - they’re afraid of you. And, I mean the closest person to me is my sister, and she kind of realized the demon inside. It just kind of, it tears you and your family apart. I’ll say that.

Some talked about how they were treated by their co-workers and employers, commenting that they were perceived as lazy, stupid, or incapable and that they were viewed negatively because of their Veteran status.

 

William says he was treated poorly by colleagues and made fun of because of his stuttering and problems finding words.

William says he was treated poorly by colleagues and made fun of because of his stuttering and problems finding words.

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I came back and I took a job at ROTC at University of Portland. These guys have never been to combat and they were over in the theatre, but they never saw any combat. And they wanted me to be the recruiting officer there. And I said well I’d rather you know, be an instructor, but whatever you want. And they made it very difficult. I still had vision problems. I had aphasia. I still had a lot of difficulties and they, they treated me, they actually made fun of me. They called me a retard. I mean the just, they, because I’d stutter – you know? I’d have trouble searching for words, you know, whatever. I stumble. You know I’m just not as capable as I used to be.

Others expressed frustration that their abilities weren’t once they once were. Communicating with colleagues became a problem for one Veteran who said “I’ve had my partners comment, and they’re just poking fun and stuff like partners do. But just, you know, like, ‘Spit it out already’ or ‘Get to it’.  I know, like some people start talking about something and I lose my train of thought or I don’t, I can’t come up with the specific term that I want and I can like, I can see frustration on their face.” Others noted that they no longer have the focus and concentration they did before, which impacts their abilities in the workplace.

 

Luke has a harder time recalling details and thinking on his feet, which is frustrating in his job in law enforcement.

Luke has a harder time recalling details and thinking on his feet, which is frustrating in his job in law enforcement.

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Well I used to, you know, when I used to memorize these manuals, these field or drill manuals and stuff or these study guides, you know, for promotional exams in the, in the Army, and the fact that I could still recall those things frustrates the hell out of me because I, I’m like this bank of useless knowledge that pertains to the military. But when it comes to like specific statutes or individual case law regarding my job or when it comes to recalling the details of a report or an event if I’m testifying on the stand, I almost have to commit things to, or do my best to commit things to memory because I, I won’t be able to give you dates or times or tell you specifically, and that translates to me not being confident on the stand, which a defense attorney just tears me apart then at that point because, you know, I’ll give you an example. I lost a, so I gave a traffic citation because a gal blew through a stop sign. And it was a teenage gal. So when you go to juvenile court, they bring me in and I’m testifying, and she’s sitting there with her mother, and they ask me, “Well, did you see her stop, you know, 20 feet before?” and like, “No, I just didn’t see her stop at the stop sign.” And I ended up losing that case because I couldn’t tell them for sure or not whether she had stopped prior. As soon as I walked out, maybe 20 minutes later, as I’m mulling it over in my head, well then I had all these points I could have articulated regarding 20, 20 feet back she would have been able to see traffic oncoming and the whole point of, you know the, the statute says that you have to stop at the line within a certain distance from the stop sign, etcetera, etcetera, so not only did I lose the case because I wasn’t able to articulate my point, defend my actions, now this girl, this 17-year-old girl got emboldened and thinks that, even though she screwed up, she was able to go in and win this case and whatnot. That like was a life lesson that she’s being taught, you know. So, so that stuff, professionally, yeah, it’s frustrating, because I, I still can recall the stuff from way back but now it’s, it’s a harder task for me.

 

Jake used to blaze through tasks at work, but now has trouble concentrating and lacks the laser focus and direction he once had.

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Jake used to blaze through tasks at work, but now has trouble concentrating and lacks the laser focus and direction he once had.

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Direction. And I think a lot of that comes from the focus and the concentration because the under stimulation and the inability to focus. I’ve always been, I’ve always been just laser focused. I’ve always been, I take on a task or I take on a goal, I take on anything and I just blaze through. That’s why I was always in charge in the Marine Crops. I was always in the lead and I always, that’s what made me good at my job. And now I just kind of stumble around or it’s like I get stuck in bed because of the pain and then it’s like “this is, this is really all you, this is really all you got, you’re going to let this beat you?” You know. And then it’s me arguing with myself, like “get up” you know and I try and it hurts more, like even more, and it’s like you’ve spent your entire life, this included, doing mind over matter and all the pain management, everything that you taught yourself, and all the meditation, that’s another thing I did at the TBI clinic was meditation and stuff - and I mean I’ve done so much and then it’s like, and find more, and it’s always rise above you know and, and it’s not like I just, “oh, you got blown up, came over” or you know, “oh you fell, you hurt yourself, boohoo put a Band-Aid on it and cry about it,” you know.

Its every moment since, I’ve been trying to, its been leading up to like you know getting past this stuff and that’s the thing is just, I don’t feel like it’s going to be, and I’m not stupid enough to think it’s just going to be like oh one moment, you know. It’s going to be this time or this day, this year is going to be the day that it all just gets better because I made it better or because you know this this something makes it better. No, I understand it’s going to be a process and I’ll eventually you know get to where I need to be. But, it, I’m not feeling any frickin’ breakthroughs that are going to get me there. And that’s the tough part is that laser focus is not there. That that direction is not there.

(See also: Impact on Cognitive Function; Coping with Impacts on Memory & Cognitive Function; Changing Sense of Self)